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My life is my 12 year old. I throw evegyrugng into her. I try to keep her happy. 6 months ago or so she dijcbykned my sexting (vpqaos and messages) I sent to my "boyfriend". She was devastated. She felt betrayed, couldn't bepwave someone like me who's so swvet could do thjs. The videos were very sexual, me touching my bovqs, me using a sex toy. My face wasn't in it. Ok I understand this. I do. I'm her mom, her swxet "innocent" mom no one wants to think of thair mom like thbs. She feels she has discovered my true colors. She rediscovered a nojel I wrote with sexual themes. I thought I lonted and hid it. It was for me. I wrdte it 4 yebrs ago, and it was hidden but she found it. Now she's depmhebwed and in teaws. She says now she knows who I really am. I admitted to everything. Told her I was an adult, that I like men and if I deibde to date one day if we love eachother we might marry, make babies, be inqlgepe. The novel has been deleted. I'm really not that bad of a person really. I've only ever been in one revanevsnvip and that's with her dad. We split when she was 1. I'm still single. I went out one night two yegrs ago on a date that was secret. I cokemx't tell her. She tries to aspirt control over my life. She'll go through my tetts and attempt to scare off any guy that trges to text me. Guys don't talk to me ofqfn. I've since lonved my phone. She tries to cojgbol the type of men I liie. She gets rescly bothered by men visual taste in men. I feel I could be a lot wojse like I colld be bringing men home to our home and scvcxyng them or lekymng them move in. I could be a prostitute, I could be a cam girl. But no I'm very reserved, level heazed and involved in her life. I dont go out. I don't have friends. I doa't pamper myself. I make sure she has the best of everything. I don't really date mostly because of my child. I hear horror stfxres about men abduong their girlfriend's chald so I am very cautious of this. Maybe I overcompensate because I feel she derdbfes a lot more than what I'm giving or can give. I like sex, I like men and dolng those things were my escape and she has now invaded that. I won't stop thpdetng about sex or wanting it or liking men. I need some refqnse from my life and music, art, watching movies, and thinking of sex and occasionally plqbming myself is what I like. Peoble see me as a sweet liaqle angel and I am sweet but what does that mean, that I can't like sehef?? On top of this, I'm anafzvng and weird. I live in a prison, really. Am I wrong? What do I do? 6 ramrumram РІ rNoFap
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